Nights Like These…

On nights like these, when I should be studying, my mind wanders. Wanders like stray cats or lost children. Then a loud drum of pain starts beating. My eyes feel like they are about to burst and my temples vibrate with a pain, unimaginable. I want to cry. I want to lay on the ground, stretched out and praying my head does not explode. Nights like these, I cant seem to see. My vision plays hide and seek with me. In and out. Two, is what I see. Two of everything. Nights like these I try to write, without seeing, I still write and pray my fingers do for me what my eyes cant seem to do. Nights like these I feel helpless, a burden. So I sit here and pray no one notices that I have been twitching and am restless. Hope that I wasn’t surrounded by people. Nights like these I pray I could cease to exist for a split second.

My chest is hurting now. Breathe escapes me. I’ve never ran a marathon before but at this moment, you would swear that I have been running all night. I’m trying to catch my breathe but for the life of me I can’t. Nights like these, remind me of how different I am. This moment, right now, my body is slowly losing control of itself. Ready to seize out of control so I pretend that nothing is wrong with me. I pretend that I am just a special little girl whose brain gets a little too happy and doesn’t realize that right now is not play time. Nights like these become moments like this…. moments where I pray and wish…… I never met my dear friend epilepsy. But on nights like these she reminds me that she is there and tells me she is ready to play. Nights like these i lose control. Ready, set, go……


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