Real Talk: Sexuality and Being Christian

A couple weeks ago one of my friends Gianna asked me to help her do a video she felt that God had placed on her heart to do. She wanted to talk about Sex (Sexuality) and Christianity. Now if you grew up in the church I could bet money (making a point, I don’t gamble) that you probably did not grow up in a church that talked about sex. The most you probably heard was “Don’t have sex before marriage, its a sin in God’s eyes.” Some of you probably heard worse things like “You lose your value when you have sex outside of marriage.” Whatever it was that you did hear about sex it probably only scared you, brought you shame if you had already been sexually active, confused you, and/or made you have even more questions!

Now if you were lucky enough to have attended a church that did a better job at talking about sex and were explained the reasons behind God’s desire for abstinence until marriage than that is great! (I did not have that experience). Whatever your experience was the conversation normally stopped at some point and I guess what Gianna and I wanted to do was change that. We want the conversation to continue especially among young men and women. It’s like there are so many questions and no one wants to answer them especially questions from individuals who truly are doing their best to walk with Christ but have been sexually active in some way, shape or form. Well, I am here to tell you that there is good news– not only are we going to open up that door to the conversation and even better news: You are still pure and perfect in God’s eyes.

Now as Christians we all know without a shadow of a doubt that God designed sex to be in the confinements of marriage and that He saw this to be a good thing. And we also know that having sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex itself is not bad but engaging in sex before marriage is. Example: Drinking is not bad but if you are underage and drinking then you are breaking the law. Again there are regulations to everything and God set this one to protect us. And one reason why having sex outside of marriage is dangerous, not just because we are directly disobeying and going against God’s design for our sexuality but also because it is the one sin that is against our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18). We are allowing ourselves to become one flesh with persons outside of whom we are married too and that goes directly agaisnt what God desired for us.

Now, I am saying all this and some of these things you know and some of them you probably are hearing for the first time. Regardless of which category you are in, its okay.

So before I continue, here is an honest and transparent moment. For me this topic is necessary because I wish someone told me more than just don’t have sex till marriage because God said so, especially when those hormones starting raging and I was left feeling like it was a bad thing to desire sex. I became sexually active and I did feel conviction about. I knew that God did not want this for me and I felt shame and guilt. Because of this I ran from God. And the thing about running from God is that a lot of times we just end up in a cycle of sinning and doing the exact thing that caused us to run from Him the first place. In college God began to tug on my heart even more about the consequences of being bonded to someone other than my husband. He removed that shame from me and reminded that I was still His and that He would still use me in His kingdom. What I find amazing about God is that He sees your heart and that He is not interested in you being perfect but more so in you doing your absolute best to walk with Him. Now on my journey of celibacy and despite knowing these truths I still ran from that. I began making excuses and when I was sexually assaulted I began seeing sex as something just for control. I began believing that sex was everything but good, and pure and binding.  (But that’s just part of it. I will do a video that goes more in depth about this.) Now I share that just so we are clear that I am not perfect and I am not speaking on this topic as someone who thinks they have arrived or as someone who can’t relate to those feelings or questions you may have. I write this in hope to encourage, educate those with questions or anyone who just needed someone real to bring this topic up.

Now many of us who are or have been sexually active usually fall in one of these categories–Some of these especially apply if you are still engaging in sexual acts despite knowing what God desires and intended for your life:

  1. We did not know any better. No one really talked to us about it
  2. The thought that: “Well the Bible is outdated and this mandate from God doesn’t apply anymore”
  3. I made a mistake once so what’s the point in trying to be celibate or abstinence again. It’s hard and God isn’t taking these urges away
  4. I know what my parents, the church and the Bible say but no one told me what to do when I had sexually urges and desires and now I have succumb to them
  5. I love this person and they love me so I will show it to them by having sex with them. Plus this feels right and good. God can understand that right?
  6. It just happened on night and now I don’t know were to go from here

Now you many not fall into one of these categories but before you say that, really think about what’s written above and be honest with yourself and the reasons why you engaged in sex the first time and/or why you are still engaging in sexually activity. And when I say sexual activity that includes: sex, masturbation, oral sex, and other non penetrative acts.

So What Does God Say About This:

Galatians 5:19 Sexual activity outside of marriage is seen as an act of the flesh and sexual immorality

Genesis 2:24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh

Truths You Need to Know About This Topic:

  • Sex is a good thing and it is a bonding agent like no other that was intended by God, by His design to glue a man and a woman together in marriage. 
  • Whether you are a virgin or not God STILL loves you and sees you as pure and perfect (2 Corinthians 5:17, 21 & Romans 7:4-6)
  • Your sexual past does NOT define you nor will it keep God from redeeming you and sending you a spouse who will love you and honor you
  • Desiring and wanting sex is NOT a bad thing; its a natural thing
  • God’s grace is BIGGER than you sins and faults
  • You cannot engage in sex and think it is only a body experience. It is a soul, spirit AND body experience. You can and will create soul ties that lead to heartbreak and more. That is what God wants to protect you from. Remember He is a good good Father so everything He says no to or wait too is for your protection


Gianna and I will be launching a video soon about this topic and answering some questions from viewers and friends. So click here to subscribe and bookmark the page so you don’t miss out!









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